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The Devil Inside – Art 0/5 Ent 1/5 Worth 0/5

Oh for crying out loud, just fucking stop it already you scoundrels. All of you, every one of you schmucks sinking this bilge into our popcorn, pushing yet another copy of a copy of a copy on us. Just, please stop it. Starting with you, writers … who do you think you are with these juts of pale faces into the camera in a dark basement? Mary Shelley? And you, directors … the only things ‘found’ in your ‘found footage’ are the people claimed by the Lord after blowing their brains out because they don’t want to watch any more of your stupid movies. The Found Footage genre is officially the most offensive thing happening now, and I am declaring jihad on it (the violent pious kind, not the inner struggle kind). The Devil Inside isn’t the Waterloo of Found Footage, it’s not even as Karl Marx said of Napoleon III in contrast to the original Bonie: comedy. No, this is the Jean-Christophe, Prince Napoleon of Found Footage … utterly worthless, accepted by nobody. This entire movie forgets that it’s supposed to be found footage and is instead a collection of camcorders following a normal movie’s narrative everywhere. Why even put in the effort when you can bring your camcorders into the bathroom and wait for another demonic possession movie to come out of your butt?

I make no effort to hide the fact that I think all of this Abrahamic stuff is a bunch of caveman scribbles, but just accepting it all on its word (what else could you take it on?), and soaking in the culture without judgment, this movie fails to even measure up to that mythology. The possession movies swirling around in the ether right now are innumerable, as they are insufferable. The only possession worth speaking of here is whatever it was that possessed me to watch this boring, unscary tribute to numbness. Here are the scares folks, don’t even question my giving them away: a creepy mental patient starts screaming, someone’s in a basement, another basement, and a priest tries to drown a baby while others try to stop him. Scooby Doo gets the hairs on your neck to stand up better.

There was just another possession flick out last year with Anthony Hopkins, it was so forgettable and awful, and of course Sir Anthony accepted that script, the cur. The Exorcist scared the wits out of people, sent them back into Church immediately, and managed to be as great a public relations boost as The Godfather was for the mafia. And both films also spawned three generations of shameful copies. When will it stop?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1560985/